Monday, May 31, 2010

What I Learned on my Memorial Day Weekend

 I consider gardening to be a necessary evil.  I don't particularly care for it and I am not particularly good at it.  But, after six years of living in our house, we've finally decided to do something with our yard, and since my husband was out of town for most of the weekend and leaving a kid at home to go for a run is generally frowned upon by law enforcement, I had the perfect storm of cardio brewing in my backyard: 

calories to burn + can't leave the house = get your butt outside and grab a rake

I did so much work that I think I qualify for some kind of Midwesterner Seal of Approval.  And, I learned a lot along the way!  What might that be?  Why, I'm glad you asked! 

Healthy Heather's Top 10 Things Learned While Working in the Yard
  1. My backyard makeover imagination knows no limits.  My checking account tells a different story.
  2. The solution to most landscaping "problems" is mulch, and lots of it.  "Mulch" is loosely defined as any crap you rake up in the yard.
  3. A long time ago, there was a righteous party in my backyard.  Unfortunately for Mother Earth (and me) no one recycled.
  4. It's best not to think about what you saw scurry under the house.  It's the "turn up the radio" method of solving car problems, only applied to houses.
  5. Bugs lack even the most basic of reasoning skills and are therefore unfazed by verbal threats.  They do, however, respond to poison.
  6. Applying bug spray shortly after shaving your legs is a whole new kind of pain, and not the  good kind.
  7. There is a bird living in my Topsy Turvy. 
  8. It is possible to have a nice yard on a small budget, but it requires a slightly skewed moral compass.  Plants that grew through my fence are mine, right?
  9. Raking piles pine straw when you live in the woods is pretty much like washing your car in the rain.  But it still needs to be done, about the time when they resemble Nebraskan snow drifts.
  10. If you keep moving, you can pretty much ignore the fact that you really have to pee.

According to this calorie-burn calculator, raking leaves burns about 272 calories an hour, so I estimate that I burned about eleventy billion calories.  It doesn't list how many calories you burn cursing, but I feel comfortable adding on about 75 just for that.  

I'm happy that I was able to get a workout and get some work done around the house, and that's a good thing because there is a lot more of it to do!  Good thing Memorial Day Weekend is only once a year.

Good day!


Rachel said...

I SO agree with #1. At least you got past it and still did the work - good for you! Does that mean I have to go pretend like I know what I'm doing in MY backyard? UGH ;) Thanks for the inspiration.

Karen Thurston Chavez said...

What kind of calorie-burning count do I get for (riding) mowing 3/4 of the front yard, push-mowing 1/4, and wearing a backpack blower and blowing the entire front yard, sidewalk, driveway and street? All done in 1 hour?

Lace said...

1) Plants that grew through to your side of the fence totally count as yours.

2) Is this the Topsy Turvy your brother bought you? If so, please don't tell him there is a bird living it in. He will surely try to play that off as a multi-purpose gift(because, HELLO, it's now a bird house) and not buy you anything for Christmas.

3) I'm going to start cursing more.