Butterflies

Did I miss a week? I think I missed a week. I think I forgot to update this blog last Monday, which would make the first time in two years that I completely skipped a week. Sure, I've been late from time to time but I've never just completely blown it off. But last week I did.

And I don't feel bad about it. Weird.

I think that may be a sign of how 2010 might be. 2009 was an intense year; I fought some internal battles, won some external battles, stretched my limits, and had a few epiphanies. This year, I'd like to do all of the above to the power of 150. 2009 was awesome from a wellness perspective, and I anticipate that 2010 will be just the same, but hopefully with fewer sinus infections.

Goals? Yeah, I have some. Mostly maintenance from a body perspective, albeit with a few upgrades. Steady progress in the physical prowess department with a sprint triathlon scheduled for April and goals to increase my upper body strength so I can bench more and pull myself over the wall at the Women's Tri-Fitness Fall Challenge in November. But my main focus will be in empire-building. It's high time I start practicing what I preach and get certified. It's a goal I have had for far too long and I'm tired of talking about it. Finding time to study for all of the required exams will be challenging, but I'll find a way.

I had my first workout with Captain Awesome this morning after a week and a half of recovering from the one-two punch of traveling between Florida allergies to Louisiana allergies and back to Florida allergies in the span of a week. Translation: hell on earth. It was great to be back in the gym (kudos on the renovations, Steve, they look great so far) and even better to finally move my body again. Bike intervals, elliptical, a nice 3 mile run in the freezing cold morning air, and some chest, bicep, and hamstring work that woke up my system and reminded these old lazy bones that we're back in business. Everyone was in a good mood, there was great energy from the New Resolutioners, and it felt like coming home.

I have a great outlook on 2010, I just have a butterfly feeling like things are going to be outrageously great. I hope you'll join me in making 2010 the year that we not only elevate our own personal states of wellness, but uncover layers of happiness that we didn't even know existed. Cheers!

Now enough of this belly-rubbing. Get out there and move those lazy bones.

The Goal Is Flexibility! Just not mine.

Last Friday I sent out my Daily Dose, which I do each morning on Twitter and via email for twitterphobes, and since it was a Friday I had to think of a word beginning with "F" to complete the sentence, "TGIF: The Goal Is.....". I started doing that on Fridays months ago and now it's a thing and each Friday I have to come up with a new f-word. Unfortunately I can't use that one.

Last Friday I used "flexibility," and planned to write something about how we all have to be flexible during the holidays to stay on our healthy plans despite travels, well-meaning family members who made special food, and the like. But then I thought....wait a sec.....why do I have to be the flexible one? Why can't they accomodate me?

I felt a little bad about thinking that seeing that its the holiday season and I am supposed to be giving, not receiving. But I pushed that feeling aside as I recalled an article that a friend sent to me a few weeks ago that illustrated my point. You can read it here.

The article is pretty much a non-apology letter for being a stubborn clean eater in the midst of holiday food, and an explanation that being a health-food snob is not personal, its just food. As I read it, I wanted to take out a full page in the New York Times to proclaim my love for the author, Jennifer Merritt, who had obviously somehow managed to tap into my soul without my even realizing it. She laid out my thoughts so eloquently I felt like I should pay her a commission or something.

I'm here now at my parent's house, having arrived with my ice chest and taking over the beer fridge in the garage with my spinach, egg whites, turkey, soup, fruit, veggies, and whatnot. I sipped soup while everyone else ate pizza, I stopped at the grocery store to stock up on pears and oranges to snack on, and I bought a week's guest pass at my family's gym so I can stay on top of my workouts. And what I have to keep reminding people is that this is what I want to do. Indulging in sugar and fatty creamy holiday food would be like having the Grinch steal Christmas from me. I really honestly truly would rather eat fruit.

Its not that my family is super unhealthy; they're not. But you know what I mean, the holidays cast a spell on all of us that makes it seem like we're un-American if we don't maintain a diet of rum balls and eggnog for the rest of the year, and practically tars and feathers those of us who pass on the traditional seven holiday pounds gained. I used to embrace the calorie-fest of December and feel like I deserved to "treat" myself because, after all, it's the holidays. But over time, I began to realize that I wasn't doing myself any favors.

So, I am asking my family to give me a very special gift for Christmas this year: flexibility to let me do my weird food thing and maybe even try it out yourself. :)
I'll settle for the beer fridge. :)

Desperately Seeking Jumper Cables

I read my horoscope every morning. I know, go ahead and roll your eyes. But each morning on the way to work I open my handy little horoscope phone app and read aloud to my husband what the stars have in store for us that day. Then I provide my own unsolicited interpretation of what it means and how we can maxmize our day just by anticipating potential obstacles and planning ahead for them. My husband loves this. He can't wait for me to analyze and critique his decisions and advise him on his daily activities before he's even had a cup of coffee. Okay, that's not entirely true. He tolerates my happy chatter in the morning and silently counts down the minutes until I can pick up my car from the body shop so we don't have to carpool anymore and he can drive to work in sweet silence. Not a morning person, that guy.

ANYHOO, today's horoscope was particularly revealing. Allow me to quote (I am a Cancer):

"Corruption begins with a small lie, usually to oneself. When you begin to justify something you that you know deep down is not right, that is a sign that you are on a crooked path. Right now you are not the instigator of the corruption but may be the victim of it. Someone who preaches one set of rules but lives by another is currently disrupting your life. This person doesn't go by what's right, but by whether he can appear to be right, and consequently he fools many people. You, though, are not fooled. Find peace in knowing that what goes around comes around."

I know who the culprit is - my inner voice. You know the one....the one that tells you one glass of wine will be okay. The same one who forgives little nutritional indiscretions and rubs your back and nuzzles your neck when you promise to be better tomorrow, purring that it's okay, there is always a fresh start. But it laughs because it knows the truth. That crooked path has very few u-turns.

Personally, I blame my husband for waking her and getting her all dressed up and perfumey. He took me on a date last month. We went out for dinner, and apparently had a third wheel tagging along. She convinced me to have a glass of wine, which made it pretty easy to also have a frappuccino. Then she abandonded me and ever since, I have been playing solo defense on a muddy field, fending off more and more opportunities to engage in the kind of "moderation" that results in me being, well, where I am now. At the end of one month of wavering around, accepting less than satisfactory work and feeling the physical manifestation of my choices. As in, I feel like crap and am pretty cranky, too.

I don't do moderation. I've tried, and I hate it. It's just not my scene! We've already established that I need to lighten up but it is not going to happen so please just work with me here.

That being said, I can look back at the last month and make some not-crazy assessments:

1. I've taken a break from heavy workouts and control-freak nutrition, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. We all need a break whether we want one or not.
2. Now that the Ultimate Fitness Challenge is over, which has been my focus for the past few months, I don't have an immediate goal to work on except the triathlon in April, which seems too far away to need to start training now.
3. The combination of number 1 and number 2 equals one cranky me.

So, today I don't have anything super-motivational or enlightening to say, just kind of stating the facts of my current state. I need some jumper cables. I need to start triathlon training now, which seems pointless since the next few weeks are going to be dominated by work meetings and holiday travel. Maybe my goal should just be making it back to the start of that crooked path by the end of December so I can start January on the straight and narrow. I'm sure I can throw in some kind of wacky benchmark to make that goal seem not as lame as it does now.

My husband and I have another date this weekend. I hope he doesn't mind if we leave the third wheel at home.

The Cheat Day

Last night I was reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to my son (and thanking the Lord in heaven that I was not reading Wheels for the millionth time) and found myself wondering once again whether author Eric Carle wrote the book after coming off of another crazy diet. If you're not familiar with the book, it follows the story of a very hungry caterpillar who spends his week trying to satiate his hunger by eating through pieces of fruit only to find himself on Saturday doing what most people who have lived on fruit for a week do: pigging out.



After a week of eating one apple on Monday, two pears on Tuesday, three blueberries on Wednesday, four strawberries on Thursday, and five oranges on Friday, he then arrives at Saturday and eats, "one piece of chocolate cake, one ice-cream cone, one pickle, one slice of Swiss cheese, one slice of salami, one lollipop, one piece of cherry pie, one sausage, one cupcake, and one slice of watermelon." As you can imagine, "that night he had a stomachache!"

And I think, "been there, done that!"

The caterpillar's diet sounds like one or two ill-fated schemes about to inundate the post-holiday airwaves with promises that America's overweight can eat whatever they want and still lose weight. And I guess that is true in a way, if everything you want to eat is clean, natural, healthy food in reasonable portions eaten in several small meals throughout the day. But I'm guessing it's more along the lines of cheeseburgers and pizza, according to the commercials.

I used to spend my Saturdays like our stuffed and woozy little caterpillar, because I thought that after a week of "being good" and eating well, I deserved a cheat day. I read in fitness magazines about diets that encourage people to have one day when they can eat whatever they want without guilt. I hear about celebrity trainers who give their clients a cheat day to go off of their diet. I even read message boards filled with advice from one fitness guru to another about carb-cycling, re-feeds, and splurge meals all designed to trick your body into revving up its metabolism and get out of a plateau. And it might work, I don't know, I'm not a dietician. All I know is that when I spent six days taking care of myself by eating well and one day abusing and sabotaging myself by having a "treat," I spent a lot of time being frustrated at how bad I felt and how little progress I was making in my quest to become a fitter person. It took me a long time to realize that a cheat day only cheats me.

Your cheat day only cheats you.

I can't say it enough! As you go through the holidays and attend parties, bake goodies, receive tempting calorie-laden gifts, and browse the grocery shelves, please remember that we live in a country where food - healthy or not - is abundant. Food is not a limited-time offer. People are. This holiday, focus on the people, not the food. You can bake yourself whatever Christmas cookies you want any ole time of year. If you really feel like you deserve a treat after being so "good" on your nutrition all week, go get a pedicure after a day of shopping for gifts! But don't let yourself be lured into thinking that you are treating yourself by eating something you know will sabotage all of that hard work.

Oh, and that caterpillar? On Sunday he ate through one nice, green leaf. And after that he felt much better.

You know, just sayin'. :)

Exercise ALONE Won't Make You Thin. Exercise ALONE. I'm ranting, FYI.

Yeah, I'm all riled up.

This article keeps rearing its ugly head, being emailed around offices, posted on Facebook pages, and sensationalized on the front pages of online news sources, letting people know that they can relax and go back to the Cheez-its because, thank GOD, exercise is a waste of time. It turns out that exercise won't make you thin after all. So that gym membership you bought back in January? You should have spent that cash on a new La-Z-Boy because exercise is good for nothing.

Okay, warning - I am really fired up about this so if I say something insentitive, just know that its because this is a passion point for me. But honestly, I've heard countless (incredibly unhealthy) people tout this argument for not exercising and claiming that exercise is a waste because it doesn't make you lose weight. Every time, I grit my teeth and smile and nod and try not to scream. But please read this part in a screaming voice:

Weight loss is not the only reason to exercise!!!!

Exercise ALONE may not cause you to lose weight. Keyword: alone. If you eat too many calories of crappy food, or even if you eat the appropriate number of calories of crappy food, and you exercise, you may not lose weight. That is true. Because exercise ALONE does not cause you to lose weight.

If you walk all day on a treadmill while eating fried twinkies, you may not lose weight. Because exercise ALONE does not cause you to lose weight.

That does not mean you should not exercise. Exercise because it increases your bone strength. Exercise because it elevates your mood. Exercise because it keeps your joints limber. Exercise because it makes your heart stronger. Exercise because it keeps your lungs strong. Exercise because it makes your calves look nice in high heels. Exercise because a good sweat makes you feel alive. Exercise because it postpones the effects of aging. Exercise because it lowers your blood pressure. Exercise because it makes you a nicer person. Exercise for the rosiness in your cheeks. Exercise because your health insurance reimburses your gym membership. Exercise to talk to the cute guy or girl on the elliptical. Exercise because you like how you look in running shoes. Exercise because it reduces your chance of developing cancer. Exercise because not everyone can. Exercise because you need some alone time. Exercise to crank up your iPod to your favorite song. Exercise because running up a hill feels so damn hard and so incredibly great at the same time. Exercise because coasting down a hill on your bike makes you feel seven years old again.

For years and years I exercised every day and didn't lose a pound because I ate crap. I still exercised because I enjoyed it and believed eventually it would work, but I spent a lot of time being bitter that even though my hours in the gym were great for my heart, they made no discernable impact on my waistline. Eventually I made the connection and realized that exercise ALONE would not make me lose weight: I had to get my nutrition in order as well. Once I did, wow. There are no words. The magical combination of clean eating and daily rigorous exercise is one that cannot be explained, only experienced. And sadly, as long as your only purpose for exercise is to lose weight, it will remain an exclusive club for those of us who understand that a lifestyle of wellness offers much much more than a single-digit clothing size. Sure, I could probably regulate my weight now with nutrition alone, but the other benefits of exercise far outweigh the side benefit of weight control.

Exercise may not make you thin, that's true. That's not why we exercise.

We Don't Need No Stinkin' Talent!

So the Ultimate Fitness Challenge is over, and here I am left to my own devices. Left to wander around aimlessly stirring up trouble. Left to wonder how long I can go before I have to practice box jumps again (I estimate April). Floundering a little because I don't have a big goal to work on.

Until someone sat themselves next to me at a business lunch last week and asked why I had not yet done a triathlon and if I wanted to do one in April. Hell yeah I do. Where do I sign up? And the rest of the day was filled with giddy thoughts of a new training schedule, recruiting people to enter along with me, and wondering where I can get a used road bike for cheap. While I have never done a triathlon, endurance sports are much more my speed and I was really happy to have a change of scenery.

It's been nice to be in the gym and just work out in a more relaxed way. There are no deadlines, nothing looming ahead, no metaphorical piano dangling over my head. I decided to allow that peace and quiet to exist for exactly one week, after which it was back to training. And that started today with a cardio marathon! Yea!

But yesterday I got a little head start by getting my head in the game. I was listening to NPR and driving to Target, which makes it a pretty normal day for me. The story was about channelling creativity, and featured the perspective of Geoffrey Colvin, the author of Talent is Overrated and Fortune magazine's Senior Editor at large. His book is about what constitutes a "genius" and asserts that great performance is within the grasp of anyone who's willing to put in the hard work and committment to practice.

I liked this guy.

Now, he was speaking specifically about children who are identified as musical prodigies, and how being especially gifted in one area of the arts at a young age does not necessarily lead to success and greatness in that art as the individual gets older. It may, but it is not a given. Rather, success and greatness is a result of hard work and willingness to practice. While a god-given talent may make that process easier, it is not a one-way ticket to awesomeness.

You can probably imagine that it took about a nanosecond for me to make the parallel between his idea and my training for tri-fit.

After being with the tri-fitness crew for a weekend and observing some incredibly talented and gifted athletes who had obviously done the work necessary to nurture a talent into a real skill, I found myself wishing I had at least some coordination in my bones to make training a little easier for me. While I love the challenge of an uphill climb, I am not as much of a masochist as I may appear to be. Being not-good at something is embarassing, and going through that embarassment with an audience is painful. But, I admire tri-fitness and want to become good at it. So, I work.

Training for a triathlon is going to be a bit of a break. Not to say it will be easy, but I don't have to work as hard at running, swimming, and cycling. These activities are fall-backs for me. I am by no means a prodigy but also not a beginner. There are skills to learn and master in a short period of time, but I feel confident that I can accomplish them pretty easily, which is very unlike how I felt when I started tri-fitness training.

I'm rambling. What I am trying to say here is that I can appreciate that its fun to participate in a sport that comes easily because its, well, pretty easy. Sure, we push ourselves to become faster or better, but for many at the end of the race, the sport was chosen because it was the path of least resistance. And I would challenge that while the fun factor may be a bit delayed by choosing a sport that doesn't come easily, it is more valued and prized because of the literal blood, sweat, and tears that went into getting through it.

So I guess the point here is to go out there and challenge yourself in a sport that scares the crap out of you. When you finish it, you may be surrounded by people who scored better or ran faster or jumped higher, but I dare you to find someone who is more proud to have just finished alive.

Maybe I am a masochist after all. :)

Sigh of Relief, and Alternately Deep Breath of Preparation

Well, suckas, I did it. I was terrible, but I did it - I completed the Ultimate Fitness Challenge and even managed to leave with some of my dignity intact.

For those of you new to this blog, a recap - I set out a while ago to test and challenge myself in a completely new way by competing in a 160-yard obstacle course and fitness skills event. Surrounded by women who were obviously former cheerleaders, gymnasts, dancers, and life-long athletes, it wasn't hard to pick out which one had spent most of her childhood dreaming of being an athlete instead of actually being one. Not only was I the sole glasses-wearer, I was solidly at the bottom of the pack in skill, athleticism, and overall abs asthetics. I'm active, I workout a lot, and I compete in endurance events, but this was a different kind of sport. This was like some kind of diabolical cult that believed the true path to redemption was through a combination of plyometric training and brute strength. I was intrigued. I was thirsty for Kool-Aid. In short, I wanted to see if I could hang with the big kids.

So back in March, I attended a training camp as a benchmark to determine what kind of training I needed to focus on. It was a pretty revealing trip - while I was a big fish in a small pond in my little gym, here my ability was laughable. It was pretty clear that I had a lot of work ahead of me. But instead of feeling discouraged, I was energized and couldn't wait to get to work. I returned home with a list of skills to master and a deadline looming, and since then I have alternated between working my butt off, having temper tantrums about training in a new way, and fending off nervous breakdowns as I realized the enormity of what I had obligated myself to. More than once I wanted to back out; more than once I contemplated changing my identity and denying any knowledge of myself or tri-fitness. Heather who? I'm sorry, you must have me confused with someone else. Someone crazy.

But I didn't do any of those things. I sucked it up and drove to Tampa. Eight months later, it was time to see what all of that sweat had gotten me. I showed up, reunited with friends made at camp, and braced for impact. If you've been reading this blog, you know that there were some definite doubts in my mind - box jumps and hurdles being the standouts. But I figured I was there to have fun, chart my progress, and challenge myself. Luckily, I managed to do all three, as well as make some new friends and have a perfectly wonderful weekend. Awwww.

Fitness Skills was Friday night. When I walked into the training facility, the first surprise was realizing there would be an audience. The second was that the audience was positioned very close to the action. Like, close enough to read my mind, which made me feel a little guilty since most of what was going on up there was profanity-laced. Since I don't make a habit of putting myself into situations where I am the underdog, I was self-conscious and nervous. And when I noticed that the girl next to me, all 4 feet 11 inches of her, had abs that looked like they were made of plastic, I was surly. It turns out she used to be in the circus. THE CIRCUS. Luckily, the focus of tri-fitness is to improve on your personal best, not beat anyone else. Thank the freaking Lord for small blessings. (By the way, she won Grace and Physique and is just the cutest thing ever.)

We started with the killer - 50 jumps on and off of a 21-inch box as fast as you can. As you know from previous entries, this was my weakest event. Al Rosen, the angel of a man who runs Women's Tri-Fitness, asked if I wanted to run them instead of jump. I meekly answered yes, ashamed that I was not better prepared but grateful for the pass. I ran the 50 steps without trouble; as an endurance athlete I was in my element and confident. And I wasn't the only one - several of us struggled and everyone cheered everyone else on as if we were carrying the Olympic torch.

Next was the bench press - maximum reps at 60% of your body weight. I had completely flaked on the strategy of making it to the early weigh-in, and by the time I recorded my weight at 4:00 in the afternoon at check-in, I had eaten enough food and had enough water to bump me into the next weight range: 80 lbs. I had been training with 70 lbs, so I didn't know what to expect. I was not at all happy with my performance considering what I am usually able to do. But, I recorded it and moved on. Next time.

The final event was the shuttle run. Back in March, I had never done this before and had terrible technique. Since then, I have improved tremendously. I still have some work to do before I become really good at it, but I was pleased that I didn't drop any bean bags and I never missed a target. I left feeling somewhat redeemed even if still a rookie.

Saturday morning was the big day: the obstacle course. The 160-yard course consists of a 10-foot wall (scaled by rope), a running grid, incline/decline monkey bars, a balance beam, a 15-foot cargo net, quick shuttle run, then three low hurdles, a steeple-chase jump, an under bar, and an overbar, complete with a 10-yard sprint to the finish line. It is a timed event. Back in March, I was pitiful. It took two grown men to get me over the wall and I merely stepped over the hurdles because they scared the bejezzus out of me. This time, I still didn't make it over the wall but completed the other obstacles, although I did hook the second hurdle and fall, twisting my ankle and forcing me to step over the third. When I got to the finish line, I was sad that what had taken me 8 months to train for was over in just over a minute (the best time was 47 or so seconds). But I also knew it wouldn't be my last time.

I sucked - let's get that straight. I was not good. But from the reactions of the women around me of support, encouragement, enthusiasm, and genuine friendliness you would think I had won first place. Tri-fitness truly is one of the most supportive athletic environments I have experienced, and I am so glad to have found it.

After the rest of the competitors were done, we had a few hours break before the final portion of the challenge - Grace and Physique. I chose to spend that time watching football, since I was not competing in this event, choosing to undergo the physical challenge and not the emotional. Grace and Physique consists of a pageant-style demonstration of your physique, complete with bedazzled bikinis, stripper heels, and false eyelashes. There is also a Fitness Routine portion in which competitors complete a 2-minute gymnastic-style routine and are judged on their ability to demonstate different strength and agility moves. Three of my friends were competing in Grace and Physique and one also in Fitness Routine, so after helping out backstage adhering bikinis to butts and confirming that one's spray tan was even, I moved to the audience to observe. I have to admit, I have scorned this event in the past as petty and sexist. And yes, it was because I was jealous. As I watched, I saw women who were proud of their work (and it is work) to reach their body's maximum genetic potential, and I started to bedazzle my own bikini in my mind. I just may compete next year, and let me just tell you now, my suit is going to knock your socks off. Eye of the Tiger. That's all I'm going to say.

To say that the Ultimate Fitness Challenge was a worthwhile experience could not be more of an understatement. It changed my entire outlook on fitness. Not only did I see the very evident payoff from my training, I truly challenged myself in a way that had intimidated me before. And as cheesy as it may seem, as I drove to Tampa and thought about the path that I have been on for the past year, I felt like just by training differently and overhauling my nutrition, I had already won. I had moved beyond simply going to the gym and working out. I had a sport. Cue the inspirational music!

It feels really, really good to show up at the gym now and just work out without a deadline looming over my head. I'm glad to have a break from plyometrics and shuttle runs and thinking about boxes and how much I hate them. I'm looking forward to some 10ks and a sprint triathlon and P90X, which cranked up in my DVD player yesterday morning. And, come next summer, I'll get out that damn box and start getting ready for November 2010. I'm hooked.

I owe a crapload of thanks to Al Rosen, Bernadette Schimnowski, and everyone at Women's Tri-Fitness,; my trainer Brice Lockhart ("Captain Awesome" to you blog readers); Mike, Jenny, Tracy, Tamara, Jamie, Erika, Dee, and everyone else at BodyTrac Fitness in the 5:00 and 5:30 morning crews; Laurel Blackburn at Boot Camps to Go; Coach Gary Droze at Maclay High School; Kari Bosse, Vivian DeLuca, Karen Moore-Caton, and Cara Ingram: my own personal cheering squad; and all of my family and friends who were kind enough to not laugh when I told them I was doing this until I was safely out of earshot.

And in case you're wondering, this blog is not over. Stay with me as I tackle P90X, a sprint triathlon, and return to the Ultimate Fitness Challenge next year. Hell, come along with me. I'm tired of being the rookie. :)