Friday, December 31, 2010

What's not in my suitcase

So yesterday I packed up my suitcase for 2011. I'm ready to go!  I've got all of my positive people, influences, data, and energy that I'll need next year. But there are some things that didn't make the cut.  Here's what I am leaving behind in 2010:

1. Competitiveness. I am competitive, and not always in a good way.  I want (and sometimes need) to feel like I am the best at everything, and if I suspect that someone is taking my title from me, I get stressed out and anxious.  There are times when being competitive has served me well and helped me achieve goals I wasn't sure I would reach, but I've felt this year like being so focused on being the absolute best has been a detriment to me. I've learned that sharing the spotlight is fun, and I've been warmed by the glow of others. It was weird at first but over time I've gotten more comfortable. I want to leave the nasty side of my competitive spirit in 2010.

2. Jealousy. When you compete, you're constantly sizing up the competition. And when they're better than you, well, jealousy is not far behind.  But I loathe feeling jealous and I want to stop. The intense feelings of happiness that I've experienced this year by taking a back seat has convinced me that there is no more room for jealousy in my suitcase. It's out.

3. Negative self-talk. Body image haunts so many women, and I'm one of them. It's hard sometimes to look in the mirror, see my imperfections, and not feel driven to change them.  But I'm learning that if I want my body to be a partner with me in wellness, I need to be nicer to it. I would never say to a friend what I have said to myself; why would my body want to work with me if I treat it like garbage?  So I am going to leave negative self-talk in 2010.

4. Doubt. I did things in 2010 that I wasn't sure I could do...and they were easy. I did my first triathlon, and I completed my first half-marathon.  Looking back, it seems silly to have doubted that I could achieve those things. I don't see a need for doubt in 2011.

I grew up in 2010. It was an amazing year of growth and the emotional transformation has been immense.  Saying goodbye to these things that used to be part of each day isn't just a symbolic exercise for me...it's a tear-jerking realization that as I snap closed my 2011 suitcase, I truly have everything I need and nothing - NOTHING - can stop me.

Goodbye 2010.  You were awesome.

But I have to go.

3 comments:

Betsy said...

Very nice blog to end this year on a high note.

Jen said...

What a great year. It's nice when we can see those personal growth moments. I, like you, want to leave the negative talk behind. It sounds like it's going to be a positive great new year for you! You inspire me.

Karen Thurston Chavez said...

How appropriate that you have 111 followers on 1-11! Great post, Heather!