Monday, February 8, 2010

Mother Nature: One Tough Mutha

Yeah, its a recurring theme in this-here blog.

I get sick, I pretend I am not sick, I get a little better and use that as proof that I was never sick to begin with, and then I get so sick that I end up sitting in the doctor's office, crying from pain in my eardrums (its true, I actually cried. dude, ear infections suck), being sent home to be phone-scolded by my husband for not really resting when I said I was (lying on the couch watching HGTV is resting, I just don't have my eyes closed), and naturally fretting about not getting to follow my training schedule for the triathlon that is six weeks away, which I was already late getting started on, and which has a non-refundable entry fee! All together now: "We told you so!"

But I have to say, this was not my fault. Forces of nature are conspiring against me. I have it on good authority (mine) that God and Mother Nature have gotten together and decided to tag-team on the smiting so I am rendered both crippled and emotionally vulnerable and will finally admit something. What, I don't know. I wish they would just tell me so I can go ahead and say it and get back to what I was doing.

Seriously. I am a woman. I know how to do passive-aggressive, and if I don't automatically assume that God is a man, three can play at that game. Bring it, God! Bring it, Nature! Rain those pollen-y allergens down on my house and let's just see who caves first! (In case you didn't get the visual on that last part, I am shaking my fist menacingly at the sky.)

Unfortunately, though, it has already been brung, and subsequently thrown at me like a glob of mud on a new Sunday dress. A dress I will not be wearing to church because I am totally boycotting. So there.

The diagnosis: a double ear infection (that rules out swimming laps at lunch for a few days), sinus infection (there goes a good run), and an overall laws-of-nature-don't-apply-to-me attitude. Unfortunately there wasn't anything she could give me for the last bit.

I'm not going to say that I've learned my lesson, because I've said that dozens of times (see here, here, here, and here. I'm not going to say I will rest more, because I already feel like I rest enough. I'm just going to move to a climate that is completely devoid of trees, covered in concrete, and with nothing that could move into my sinuses and send out change-of-address cards. Like Orlando.

So, God and Mother Nature want to smite me? Go ahead! I'm armed now - I have antibiotics, and I have Flonase, and I have Claritin, and we will just see who has an inner-ear problem, thankyouverymuch. Now what is that old saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? Yeah, I never liked you anyway.

I have "resting" to do. But let me give you a little hint in case you're planning to go all David-and-Goliath on seasonal allergies: Mother Nature? She don't play.

6 comments:

Broken Hearts of the Big Bend said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Karen Thurston Chavez said...

Oh, WHATEVER! Guess what? You're human! And guess what else? You get sick just like the rest of us! Nyah, nyah! Nah, seriously, I hope you feel better fast!

Anonymous said...

How is writing the same as resting. You were beyond misery yeaterday, so you need to be in bed. Being on the computer is work, not rest. You do have Mardi Gras this weekend afterall. Rest!

Love MOM

Ellen said...

I'm glad to see that your allergies and illnesses haven't damaged your sense of humor!

Have you considered using a Neti Pot to irrigate your sinuses and flush out all those nasty allergy-causing things? A warm saline solution wash each day is supposed to do wonders. I don't have allergies, but the Neti Pot works great when I'm feeling sick, too.

The (not so) Reluctant Athlete said...

@Ellen, if I could marry the Neti Pot, we would be on our romantic honeymoon in Costa Rica right now, zooming through the trees on a zipline, fully immersed in allergens, not a care in the world!

Jiske said...

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