Monday, December 8, 2008

Okay, I get it. Mostly.

Okay, so last week when I bitched and moaned about not liking "getting well," and having to slow down and take it easy, little did I know I was priming the pump for a full-on meltdown. And this past weekend, when I collapsed and landed in the ER for the full gauntlet of tests, meds, and a stern lecture from the doctor on call, I started to clue in. And then, when he ordered me to stay in bed for three days and rest, I thought he must be joking. But I knew he wasn't, and I knew he was right.

Then my husband and I had one of those married-people conversations that take place using only eye signals:

Him: you're going to do this.
Me: sure, a little. maybe.
Him: heather..... seriously.
Me: *hmph*

So this week's blog update doesn't have anything to do with my workouts or training because I'm not doing any of that. I'm in bed watching an "Elf" marathon and moisturizing my cuticles. I'm looking up the exact definition of "resting" in the dictionary to see if making construction paper chains for the Christmas tree is too strenuous. I'm sneaking out of bed to get oranges and hastily put decorations on the mantle before I am given the evil eye. I'm feeling like the worst mommy in the world for laying in bed like a lump when he wants to play.

But I am not working out.

I've been barred from the gym for five days, and then I have to take it easy. Take it easy??? Today marks three weeks of ho-hum workouts due to traveling, Thanksgiving, and being sick. I feel like my muscles, which I have worked so hard on and take such pride in, turning to mush with every special bonus feature in my movie marathon. I really pains me to be away from the gym and away from a project that I care so much about, because I can't just hit "pause" and come back to it later. Physical fitness is something that requires daily attention. Not necessarily daily exhausting workouts, but attention. And right now, the only attention I can give it is a longing look across a crowded dance floor. I know that every day away from the gym is a half-step back. It's hard to swallow that lump and pretend that I'm okay with it. Being at the gym is more than just being healthy for me, more than just "staying in shape." It's a calling. Roll your eyes if you want to but that's how I really feel. I'm not just having a pity party, I'm having a moment of reflection!

But I know there is another side, too. I'm in this situation because I haven't gotten enough rest and had enough balance in my life. Maybe two workouts a day is a bit extreme. But is it really when I love it so much?

I know I need to change, but I don't know how. I'm afraid to find out what happens when I don't cover all the bases and go above and beyond. But, it's clear that "a little rest" isn't going to cut it anymore. I just wish I had a better idea of how to take it down a notch without missing out on the fun.

*sigh* Didn't God get the memo that I'm not like the others? Can you order super-human strength on Amazon?

I'll need expedited shipping.


EDP said...

I'm not great with the balance thing either, or the idea that I need 8 hours of sleep to feel my best. But can you think of "rest" as a part of reaching your MGP? Our culture confuses "rest" with "sloth," but they aren't identical. If you're doing so much that you exhaust yourself, then that ultimately could make it harder to reach your goals. Maybe one tough workout a day is all you need — and more sleep.

H F said...

It occurred to me as I was having a CAT scan that I may have hit my MGP. If my body is shutting down, I think I have hit ground zero! LOL

J said...

I think you may be on to something; perhaps you are nearing your limits. So this begs another question. Are you at your limits for your MGP or for your current routines/habits...