The Merry-Go-Round

My husband makes very good chocolate martinis, and that is turning into a very bad thing, especially considering how many episodes of "Dirty Jobs" I have on my DVR and how much I enjoy a chocolate martini when watching Mike Rowe, who is arguably the cutest man on television, which I can say guilt-free because I have been told by more than one person that he looks a lot like my husband. Only my husband is cuter and funnier and sweeter. And I am not just saying that because it is true. I am saying that because we carpool.

But anyway, back to the martinis. I'm pretty sure that chocolate martinis are the exact opposite of what I need to be drinking one month out from a fitness camp. But the fact that I keep ordering one is a big flashing neon sign that I am treading into very dangerous waters: the seas of self-sabotage.

I do this from time to time. I set a goal, and I do a lot of smack talk about how I am going to totally tear it up, and then as the goal gets closer I freak out and find little ways to sabotage myself. It's for this reason that I stopped putting deadlines on my fitness goals. I much prefer to work towards a nebulous "future" rather than a very concrete reality.

But here's the thing - I don't live in a nebulous future. I live in an actual reality where each day is a brand new opportunity to either rock or flop. I am sick of training for something I never do. So, I signed up for this fitness camp, a 5k, and a triathlon. It's time to put my money where my mouth is.

That leaves me one month to drop the rest of my body fat and build up my endurance. No pressure, right?

So I met with Awesome early one morning to go over my nutrition and training schedule and got all diabolical on him. I told him that I did not want anyone coming into the gym who was in better shape than me who did not put in the work that I do. He told me that he can't help genetics. I told him that I did not want anyone coming into the gym who was in better shape than me who did not put in the work that I do. He told me that I am the only one who can determine how much work I do. I told him that I did not want....well, I think you get the point. I said it over and over to drive home the point that I am completely committed to doing the most I can do to be the most efficient version of myself that I can be. And then I quit talking and got to work.

Of course I know that I can't drop the rest of my body fat and build up my endurance in a month, no matter how many times I annoy Capt. Awesome by robotically repeating my goal. I can make a lot of progress, but it's unrealistic to think that I will accomplish in one month something that I have been working on since before I learned how to drive. (Some would say that I still don't know how to drive, and those people would have a good point.)

So, the goal still stands. Of course it does; I go whole-hog on this every day. But, it's a journey, not a destination, and I want to make the transition from seeing each goal as a stop sign and seeing it more as a merge... meaning, I want to continue to evolve in my level of fitness and not put so much pressure on myself to be 100% awesome every single day. In theory, that would be a good thing. In practice, we'll see. I really kind of dig trying to be 100% awesome every day.

So back to the martinis: they're bad for me and not getting me any closer to my goal so I need to stop drinking them. And back to perfectionism related to goal achievement: it's bad for me and not getting me any closer to it so I need to stop beating myself up.

How 'bout I pick one? :)