Monday, March 9, 2009

I'm Not Meeting You in the Middle

Last week as I climbed off of the stationary bike and bemoaned the time, knowing that I was once again going to be late for work because I had insisted on doing another 30 minutes of intervals but deciding that the universe would eventually get over it, I wondered if I was venturing into that slippery area of life where I kind of have a tendency to go a little overboard with things.

And as I swung my gym bag over my shoulder at noon and headed down the sidewalk to my lunchtime gym, the thought came back around. Did I really need to run? No, I realized. I just wanted to.

I thought about an article I read a while back that got my interest for obvious reasons. It was written by a woman who decided to try one month of living "perfectly." She attempted to get the daily recommended dosage of every nutrient, follow every health advisory, and do everything as if she lived in a perfectly balanced environment of scientific control. Instead of, you know, the real world.

Naturally I was intrigued. It doesn't take a psychoanalyst to figure out that I kind of have a thing with perfection. I love the concept of being at my most efficient, streamlined, and, well, perfect state of physical equilibrium. Most of the time when I eat and work out, I am striving towards getting my body into a state of being as fit as it can be. And the rest of the time, I am feeling bad about not doing that. LOL Trust me, I am far from it. But, that means there's plenty of work left to be done, and that makes me happy.

So anyway, as I ran on the treadmill that day and thought about whether I would realize when I was about to crash and burn or if I would be lying in a hospital bed as the guest of honor at a tough-love intervention before I finally accepted that I am not, in fact, invincible, and as I considered how many words officially land a sentence in the "run-on" category, I decided that regardless of the answer, I liked living in extremes.

I spend a lot of time agonizing over "the middle". My old foe, moderation. Not only do I really suck at it, I don't even like trying. Moderation to me means doing things half-way, not really giving it your all, just kinda-sorta doing something. So I've decided to stop living a lie. I can't moderate! And I don't even want to!

So as I walked back to my office after a nice 3 miles on the treadmill (and a little calf work for extra measure) I decided on a new mantra - nothing in moderation! I can't pretend anymore that it doesn't bother me when I try to take it easy or not be the most awesome version of myself that I can be. So, I'm going to stop pretending. I know I am not perfect and never really will be, but I really like trying, even when it drives me crazy.

So have fun in the middle; I'll be over here.

No comments: