Table for One

I think my husband is a little tired of me singing the praises of Captain Awesome. but I am just digging this new trainer. He's creative, he's enthusiastic, he's involved, and most importantly, he remembers the goals of each person in my group and caters to them in each workout. I gotta hand it to him - he's won me over.

We're doing all sorts of new stuff, mostly related to the Bosu Ball. He loves this thing so much that he brought his own from his old gym in case we didn't have one (we did). We're doing lunges on the bosu ball, squats on the bosu ball, push-ups on the bosu ball....I'm half expecting him to tell me to bring the bosu ball home and use it as a pillow. But I don't mind. This new shake-up is just what I needed. I still miss my old trainer, but Captain Awesome is, well, pretty awesome.

Which means I need to watch out. As I've probably mentioned before, I like to operate in the realm of independence. I'm usually suspicious of people who want to "help" me, and I often find myself offended that anyone thought I needed help in the first place. In my experience, relying on other people is a recipe for disappointment and resentment. It might be a negative perspective, but I'd rather know that my relationships are built on a mutual enjoyment of each other's company, and not a give-and-take where one of us is always in debt. When you remove reliance on others, you also remove the potential to use them as excuses, and as a result can focus on truly enjoying them as the people they are. It's just my opinion; you can think I'm crazy if you want to.

So anyway, while my workouts with Captain Awesome have been going well, I have also been reminding myself that I'm still at a table for one. I had a great result in my body-fat test last month, and knew that it was from my own hard work. And when I test again in a couple of weeks, the result - good or bad - will again be because of my own actions and decisions. He can make me do barbell squats on the bosu ball every day, but I am the one who breaks the plane.

So where does that leave Captain Awesome? Well, I guess I'm having a hard time admitting that I kinda need him. I might be stubborn and independent, but I don't know everything. If I could truly do this on my own, I would have done it a long time ago.

That being said, I've committed myself to setting a date for my competition this week. I have procrastinated, hemmed and hawed, and generally avoided eye contact with the issue for long enough, probably because I don't want to admit that I need a spotter on this one. For years I have wanted to get to the finish line and know what I don't owe anyone anything for it, but I don't know if that is a realistic perspective. While there is a lot of pride in knowing what you can accomplish on your own, sometimes....sometimes........sometimes we all need a little help. There. I said it. We don't need to talk about it again.

I'm not giving up the map, but Captain Awesome can hold the wheel for a while.