Monday, August 11, 2008

I Am So Sick of Protein Shakes

I will not drink a protein shake;
I cannot drink another.
Mix it up but throw it out.
That crap goes in the gutter.

I need a break from protein shakes:
the thought just makes me sick.
The whey is just too sweet
and the casien too thick.

I will not eat my egg whites,
I cannot take another bite.
I know its "perfect protein"
but the taste is just not right.

I want a bowl of oatmeal
steel cut and cooked my way
with cinnamon and walnuts
and a banana to start my day.

So look at me the rebel!
It's the little things that count!
If oatmeal is indulgence
then I really need to get out.

So I'll take a break from protein shakes
and revel in my sin.
But it won't be long, sweet protein,
I'll be back again.

I can't do it anymore. Every day at 3:00, I sigh, get up from my desk, and robotically mix a protein shake in my office's kitchen. Then I suck it down as fast as I can before returning to my desk and swig a bottle of water to get the taste out of my mouth. I hate this stuff.

I've used a few different types of powder over the years and vary the flavor from time to time to keep things interesting. But just like anything, there can be too much of a good thing. In my case, it's Gold Standard Banana Creme.

But I'm stuck. I need calories, I need protein, and I am short on time. So I chug my shake and shudder as if I had just downed a bottle of cough syrup. Sometimes we have to suffer for our art.

So I need a new 3:00 snack. Over the past week, I've held my own personal "3:00 Snack Auditions" and tried out something new each day. Turkey? Too dry. Chicken? I eat that for lunch. Egg whites? Too complicated. I've officially become the Goldilocks of snacktime.

I tried a hard-boiled egg (too yolky). A protein bar (too carby). Peanut butter on toast (too long standing around waiting on the toaster). I perused the shelves at the Vitamin Shoppe and looked at protein pudding and water enhancers. Too processed.

And finally, I hit the nail on the head: the perfect 3:00 snack. It's quick, it's easy, and it's well, quick and easy. I packed it into my lunchbox the night before, and stashed it in the fridge at work. And at 3:00, I got up from my desk, went into the kitchen, and...

mixed up a protein shake. Old habits diet hard.


The Irredeemable Shag said...

That's it! I'm going to make sure the "Flava Police" visit the kitchen every day at 3:00pm.

You need to break the cycle of bland! How about Peanut Butter on crackers? No toaster-wasty time.

Live life you must... as Yoda would say.

The Irredeemable Shag

EDP said...

What about yogurt or some kind of smoothie? Because the protein shake sounds icky.